


My Biggest Regret Is Everything Iv'e Done To You (Everything I Will Do)

by DracoWinchester7237



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Kinda, M/M, Murphamy Week 2018, OC character - Freeform, eligius AU, murphamy week day four, so this is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 13:10:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16409147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DracoWinchester7237/pseuds/DracoWinchester7237
Summary: Murphy wakes up to find more than ten years have passed and nothing will ever be okay again.





	My Biggest Regret Is Everything Iv'e Done To You (Everything I Will Do)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Guys so this is my prompt fill for Eligius Au for day four of Murphamy week! I hope you like let me know in the comments. love to you all! <3<#<4

Murphy had just closed his eyes when he felt his pod sliding open again. At first, he thought something went wrong, ‘cause really that would be his luck, but when he managed to sit up and notice there was no one else around he realized they were right when they said 10 years would feel like a second in cryo. He sat there a minute, his legs dangling off the side, before pushing himself off. The floor was cold under his feet. Another pod started to move and Murphy walked over to it. He wasn't surprised when he saw it was Clarke. 

 

“Murphy?” she asked, sounding surprised. Murphy pretended to be insulted. 

 

“Hey, us cockroaches gotta stick together Griffin.” Clarke rolled her eyes and sat up to look around. 

 

“Why is it just us?” Clarke asked, staring down the rows of their sleeping friends, the last of the human race. 

 

“Those were Mom and Dad’s instructions.” Murphy and Clarke both turned to look for the new voice. “Wow, can, can I just say how awesome it is to finally meet you? I mean like its weird but so cool.” A teenage boy stood in the doorway, no doubt the one who woke them up in the first place. In a strange way, he almost looked familiar. 

 

“Who are you?” Clarke asked stepping forward because she was Clarke and that's what she does, takes control of any and every situation. 

 

“Uh, right, um my name! I haven't told you that yet,” the kid said nervously, wringing his hands together. “I haven't really ever met anyone before.” he explained grinning, “Jordan! My name, it's Jordan. And you’re Clarke and Murphy.” he paused and when no one said anything he continued, “I’m Monty and Harper's son.” for once the princess was speechless. 

 

“They didn't go to sleep,” Murphy said, and that made sense. Monty and Harper were the happiest on the ring but something still didn't add up. 

 

“They uh, They talked about you a lot, both of you, well all of you actually. But uh, get dressed, come to the bridge. I was left with explicit instructions. Wake Murphy and Clarke first and play them the message.” Jordan turned to walk away but it didn't make sense to him. 

 

“Wait you said Monty and Harper told you to wake me and Clarke first, but I don't get it why not Bellamy or Raven? Why me?” Murphy asked before Jordan left. Jordan looked at him with something that felt a lot like pity but didn't say anything. 

 

“Uh, how long were we asleep?” Clarke asked before Murphy could press the matter. 

 

“One hundred and twenty-five years,” Jordan said, and then he left. And if they weren't confused before, they sure as hell were now. 

  
  
  


Murphy had a feeling there was something wrong. Because there was always something wrong, wasn't there? Beyond the fact that he’d been asleep for one hundred and fifteen years longer than planned, there was something else just under the surface of Murphy’s skin that was bothering him. Something he suppressed. Because maybe that something was so massive it might swallow him whole if he picked at it too hard. So instead he got dressed, and made his way to the control room where he met Clarke and Jordan and another little girl who looked a lot like Harper, she stared at them with wide eyes and didn't say anything. 

 

“That's my sister, Hannah,” Jordan said when he noticed he was staring. Murphy waved at the younger girl and turned his focus back on Jordan who was pressing something on one of the screens. 

  
  


“Hey guys, it’s been about a year since you went to sleep, not much to report really” Murphy took a few steps closer and saw Monty. “My algae farm is awesome, which isn't a surprise really. I'm monitoring conditions on the ground, obviously, nothing really changed yet but we can't expect it to so quickly.”  

 

“Monty, I’ve been waiting” Murphy heard Harper say off camera. 

 

“Harper wait, I’m in the middle of-” Murphy almost laughed when harper suddenly appeared halfway in Monty's lap before noticing the camera and running away. He never really got to know Harper but he never really hated her either. 

 

“There’s uh, not a lot to do in space,” Monty said awkwardly.

 

“I so did not need to see that,” Jordan said from somewhere behind him and then Murphy couldn't help but laugh a little. 

 

The screen cut to black before coming back on to a picture of Harper and Monty. 

 

“Hello again. It’s the two-year anniversary of the long nap and uh, Harper’s been eating a little too much algae.” Monty said, moving a hand to rest on Harper’s very round stomach. 

 

“Very funny.” She said, rolling her eyes and grinning. Murphy turned the rest of the scene out. They looked happy. Murphy struggled to remember a time when he’d ever been that happy. A few moments came to mind but they were so fleeting he dismissed them. When he focused back in on the video Monty was holding a baby and smiling wider than Murphy had ever seen him smile

 

“Uh, Harper’s resting, were both good though.” the baby cried in his arm and Monty started bouncing him. “He’ll be eight when you meet him.” 

 

“Things didn't exactly go to plan,” Jordan said, but Murphy wasn't even sure he heard him because when the screen faded to black it didn't come back with Monty or Harper. 

 

“Hey, guys. I didn’t think I’d ever have to make one of these” Murphy heard Clarke gasp next to him and he leaned forward a bit, gripping the chair in front of them. “But now I'm thinking maybe I should. The truth is the earth isn’t looking good. Monty’s been monitoring things and according to everything he knows, we should be seeing signs of regrowth by now. I guess we’ll keep you posted.” Murphy’s ears were ringing in the silence as the video faded and then came back. 

 

“Happy wake-up day. Only we didn't wake you up. And I think by now, whenever now is for you, you already know that. But maybe I should explain what I'm doing here, instead of asleep with the rest of you.” the something that's been bothering Murphy since he woke up boiled and he scratched subconsciously at his arm because, no. Just. No. “Halfway into the long nap, my pod malfunctioned. I woke up. At first, I thought it had been 10 years, and then when I realized no one else was waking up I thought for sure I’d be stuck alone for however long.” Murphy closed his eyes because what he was seeing could not be real. 

 

“Then I heard Jordan laughing. Well, I didn't know it was Jordan at first, but I heard a kid laughing and when I found him I found Monty and Harper. They offered me one of their pods but at the time I thought it was only going to be five years. And during that five years Hannah was born and by the time we realized earth wasn't coming back, how could I take one of the last two working pods when there are two beautiful children who deserve a chance to live.” 

 

“Anyways. I still have hope that I will see you all again. Monty is looking into the Eligius databases to try to find out more about what McCreary used to destroy the valley. Maybe it's just a matter of time. We’ll check in when we know something.” Murphy opened his eyes in time to see Bellamy click off the video. And then he could feel Clarke and Jordan's eyes on him and he felt like climbing out of his skin. 

 

Monty and Harper came back on the screen next. 

 

“Hey guys, it’s been a long time since we've recorded one of these. We uh, we just put the kids into cryo. They’re good kids. Smart kids. We chose this life. They didn’t.” 

 

“Hey, kiddo, if you're watching this. We love you so much.” Murphy felt like he was trespassing on a very private moment. “Assuming he followed our instructions, hey Clarke, Murphy. It’s been almost twenty years since you went to bed. You already know the situation on earth. It hasn't changed in all that time. But I'm working the problem. Working on a plan B. If you're awake then, that means I've found it. I’ll uh, see you again when I do.” before Monty could switch the video off harper stopped him. 

 

“Wait. not yet.” she didn't say anything for a minute and Murphy felt like she was staring directly at him. “Take care of our kids,” she said finally. And the video cut to black. 

 

When the picture came back they were looking at Bellamy again. Murphy thinks he might have made a noise somewhere in the back of his throat. Bellamy looked older, he looked tired. 

 

“Monty finally cracked the Eligius three file. It wasn't a mining mission like the others. It was a colonization mission. They went to another planet. One with two suns. We set the coordinates today. We should get there in, well, in a little less than one hundred years.” Murphy's knees buckled under him, and if he wasn't already holding onto the chair in front of him he might have collapsed right there on the spot. “I think it's safe to say I'm not going to see you guys again.” the something that's been bothering Murphy imploded but he didn't move, didn’t say anything, just bit his lip and stared at the screen in front of him. 

 

“I think I was wrong when I said who we are and who we need to be to survive were two different people. I was wrong. Who we needed to be to survive shaped who we became in the end. Maybe we did the best we could in the moment. Looking back on it feels like looking into someone else's life. But there's still bits and pieces that stick out more vividly than the rest.” Bellamy paused and Murphy wanted to reach out and touch him. But he wasn't really there. Not anymore. 

 

“Like in the very beginning, seeing the ground for the first time, all the colors. I miss that up here. And feeling the rain on my face. I remember being terrified all the time of what was out there, what was coming, and I think it was that fear that pushed us into the worst decisions we made. Decisions I made.” he stopped talking again and looked away from the camera. “I remember how much O loved to be on the ground. Like she was always meant to be a warrior.” Bellamy laughed and Murphy held onto that sound like a lifeline. “It took me way too long to realize she didn't need me to protect her anymore. I don't know if she ever really needed me in the first place. Honestly, none of you needed me.” Murphy wanted to scream because he needed Bellamy, he’s always needed, Bellamy. “You are going to be just fine.” and Murphy knew he was talking to anyone watching the video but it felt like Bellamy was looking directly at him and he was wrong but the screen was black again. 

 

“Clarke. We have to do better. You have to do better this time.” but Murphy wasn't listening, not really, because his ears were roaring, pulsating loud enough to drown everything else out and he could see Bellamy’s lips moving but all he could hear was his own heart beating. 

 

“Murphy.” the sound of his name cut through everything like a bullet that lodged itself in Murphy’s chest. Actually no. this was worse than a bullet or two lodged in his chest. This was his heart ripped clean out. “Murphy I need you to do something for me.” everything else fell away. Because at least he could do this. At least he could be this just like he was on the first day on the ground. He was good at following orders, he could be this. He could be a soldier for Bellamy. He could follow orders and not have to feel. “I need you to look out for Octavia.” Bellamy's voice broke. When Bellamy’s voice broke Murphy’s knees buckled again and this time he thinks he might have fallen because now somehow he's in a chair and he wasn't sure how he got there. “I need you to tell her I'm sorry and I love her. I should have had the opportunity to tell her that myself. In person. And not just on a video she’ll watch fifty years after I'm dead.” the word ‘dead’ had Murphy's hands balled into fists, slicing crescent-shaped cuts into his palm but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

 

“Murphy,” and he thinks that was Clarke’s voice that was dripping in concern and he thinks that was her hand on his arm but he ignored it and her and watched the picture on the video come back. 

 

When Bellamy came back he was older. So much older. He moved so much slower and there was gray in his hair. “Clarke you were right. Harper is sick. Really sick. I don't think,” Bellamy stopped talking and he was crying, wiping tears off of his face and Murphy would have given everything to be there with him. “I don't think she's going to make it. Monty’s with her now.” Bellamy was quiet again. And the tension in the room was thick and suffocating and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to burst into tears or vomit. “I just couldn't be in that room anymore.” Bellamy’s voice was hollow. 

 

Murphy was hollow. 

 

“I've been thinking a lot. About well, everything. I think, out of all the mess back on earth, the thing I regret the most is what we did to Murphy.” if Murphy wasn't having trouble breathing before, he was now. “He didn't deserve what we did to him. If we hadn't, maybe he would have felt more accepted with us, maybe he wouldn't have run off with Jaha. We should have protected him like we protected the rest of the hundred, Clarke. The things that happened to him after that were as much our fault as anyone else's.” Murphy was torn between hanging onto every word he said and covering his ears like a child. “We don't get to make that mistake again,” Bellamy said softly. “We don't need to be the bad guys anymore. Clarke, you don’t need to bear it for everyone else. And Murphy, you don't need to run anymore.” running seemed like a pretty good idea right now. 

 

“Murphy I'm sorry that it took me this long to realize so many things about myself. About you.” Murphy thought he heard Bellamy whisper ‘us’ but his ears were roaring again and he wasn't sure about anything anymore. 

 

When the video faded Murphy felt like he was falling. 

 

“Jordan, Hannah. Your mother died today. We had a good life.” Monty’s voice cracked. “Sometimes, I know she wanted to be with you guys.” Monty’s shoulders shook and Bellamy came into the picture. Placing his hand on Monty’s shoulder. 

 

“We all did,” Bellamy said. 

 

“At least now we get to show you this. Son?” Monty said. Murphy was vaguely aware of Jordan leaning forward and pressing a button that he thought opened the window but Murphy wasn't looking out the window. 

 

“It’s in the Goldilocks zone of a binary star system but that’s all we know.” Clarke was staring out the window. Murphy was staring at the screen. “Is it beautiful?” Monty’s voice cracked again. 

 

“I hope we do good there. I hope Jasper was wrong, that we aren't the problem.” Monty said after a moment. “Be the good guys. May we meet again.” Monty said before walking out of view of the camera. Bellamy watched him go and Murphy watched Bellamy. 

 

“May we meet again,” Clarke whispered. Murphy didn't say anything. They weren't going to meet again so what was the point.

 

“I miss you guys,” Bellamy said after a long silence. “Clarke and Echo and Emori and Raven. I miss Octavia. I miss my family. I miss the kids and, I miss you, Murphy.” 

 

“Miss you.” Murphy breathed at the black screen so low he didn't think anyone else could have heard them even if he was paying attention. 

 

“This is the last one of these things I’ll be doing.” Murphy’s breath hitched. “I'm alone now, after, after Harper, Monty was heartbroken. At least he died in his sleep. Jordan, Hannah, they were so proud of you. They talked about you every day. They loved you so much. According to the countdown Monty set up you should be reaching your new home in, 75 years.” 

 

“Octavia, little sister, I love you so much. Do good here, please. I know its still in you. And I know at least part of you always blamed me for Lincoln and for everything that happened after and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But you’re stronger than everything that you've been through. And now you won't have me around to mess it up right?” Bellamy smiled, like everything about this was okay. Like his entire world wasn't coming to an end. 

 

“Clarke. Watch out for our people. All of our people. Everyone that's still asleep. We have a chance to do better here. And that's on you now. I'm sorry I can't be there to help you but, you never really listened when I was around.” Bellamy was making jokes and Murphy was trying not to cry in front of these people and nothing about anything happening right now was fair. 

 

“Murphy. You’re not worthless.” a sob broke somewhere deep in Murphy’s chest because once again Bellamy was wrong. “You’ve saved my life more than anyone else even though I put you through hell time and time again. I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to realize why.” Murphy couldn't look away. “It was always you, Murphy. And it's taken me so,” Bellamy looked away “so long to realize that,” Murphy all of a sudden didn't want to hear anymore because if he heard it then he’d have to live with it and how could he do that without Bellamy. “Murphy I.” Murphy shook his head. He wanted to run or disappear. He wanted the floor to swallow him up and spit him out in space. And then Bellamy was looking right at him again. “I love you. And I think, I think I always have. And I’m so sorry this is how you had to find out.” 

 

“I’m sorry this is how we have to say goodbye.” 

 

“Wait,” Murphy whispered when the video went black. “Wait,” he said again leaning forward, he wanted to scream, or break something, or throw himself out of the ship. He wanted to, he wanted to.. “I love you too.” he whispered to the empty screen. To Bellamy. “I love you,” he said again and it was real this time. He had nothing to hide behind. And he had nothing to show for it. “I love you.” and if it came out as more of a whimper, well, he didn’t really care what people thought anymore. 

 

He wasn't sure how long he sat there. The few tears he cried had dried up and a sort of numb fell over him. 

 

“Murphy,” Clarke said somewhere behind him but Murphy wasn't ready to move yet. He wasn't ready to have to face what life would look like now. 

 

“May we meet again,” Murphy said flatly. He had a job to do.  _ Bellamy _ had given him a job to do. He stood up on shaky legs but he didn't fall. He wouldn't fall. He would do what he’s always done when it came to Bellamy. He would be a soldier. 

 

“Murphy, are you okay?” Clarke asked him softly. He wanted to snap at her. To yell that she'd never cared before so don't bother starting now. But that wasn't who he was anymore. It couldn't be.  _  That wasn’t what Bellamy wanted him to be. _

 

“Octavia needs to see this,” he said, ignoring her question. “At least before we wake everyone else up.” in truth they should have shown her first. To his surprise, Clarke nodded, actually agreeing with him.

 

“I'll go wake her,” Jordan said and quickly left the room, pulling Hannah behind him. 

 

“I’m sorry Murphy,” Clarke said when the silence stretched on too long for her. Murphy preferred the silence thick and heavy. In the silence, he wasn’t expected to be okay. 

 

“Not your fault.” they didn't have to wait long before Octavia was through the door, still in her sleep clothes, in true Octavia fashion. She stopped in the doorway though. 

 

“Where’s Bell?” she asked, looking around the room. 

 

“Octavia,” Clarke said but Murphy interrupted her. 

 

“You need to watch this,” he said nodding towards the screen. She walked over to them eyeing Murphy suspiciously. A part of him wanted to stay. to be there for her but he knew listening to Bell's voice, hearing the goodbye, again,  it would be too much.  “Let’s give her some privacy,” Murphy said walking out of the room, not waiting to see if Clarke was following. He assumed she was. 

  
  
  


Murphy and Clarke waited outside the control room. Jordan, Hannah, and Clarke were talking. Murphy had no idea how long they had to wait. It didn't feel like it had been long when he heard screaming. 

 

Murphy was through the door in an instant. Octavia was standing in the middle of the room sobbing. The chair he’d been sitting in earlier was on its side across the room. 

 

“Hey, hey, it's okay,” he said crossing the room quickly to stand in front of her. 

 

“It’s not okay. It’s not okay he’s gone and I didn't, I didn't get to,” her words came out through sobs, and they dug knives deeper into his chest, reminding him he was gone. Not like he would ever be able to forget. 

 

“It’s going to be okay” he repeated, but he didn't feel it. 

 

“No it’s not okay,” she screamed at him, hitting him in the chest with her fists. She went to hit him again but he caught her in a hug before she could.

 

“It's going to be okay.” He said again. But it wasn’t, and it never will be. “It's okay,” he whispered, even though the only okay thing in his wretched life was gone. 

 

“It’s not okay.” she sobbed again. 

 

“You’re right. It sucks.” as if such shallow words could ever touch the pain welling up in his chest. As if ‘it sucks’ could ever cover the hole Bellamy left behind. 

 

They stood like that for a few minutes before Octavia pulled away, wiping at her face. “What are we supposed to do now Murphy?” she asked, and her voice wavered. She looked younger than he’d ever seen her, standing there curled in on herself and looking at him like he had the answers. Murphy wanted to disappear because the truth was he didn't know if he could do this. He looked down at this girl that meant everything to Bellamy. The whole reason he came to earth, to begin with, was for this. For her. And what the hell was Murphy supposed to do with that? How was he supposed to do what Bellamy asked of him? The last thing that Bellamy had asked of him. 

 

_ “Murphy. I wanna know what you think.” he felt like he was standing back in that chamber staring at 300 criminals and Bellamy was looking at him. And Murphy knew as long as he lived he'd hold onto the way Bellamy had looked at him in that moment with something like hope in his eyes and Murphy had known what Bellamy wanted to hear.  _

 

_ Bellamy smiled when he said it. A proud smile. A smile that made Murphy feel warm.  _

 

“Now we be the good guys,” he said, and if his voice shook with emotion he didn't try to hide it. “because that's what Bell wanted.” 


End file.
